READ TIME: 6 MINUTES | 14 JANUARY, 2026 | READ ON PHILHSC.COM​

At work and in our most important relationships, it's not an option to think we communicate well.

Each day, we need to fight for communications.

Because there are so many moving parts in life that how we communicated yesterday won't be good enough to communicate effectively today.

The military lesson I never forgot

One of the clearest memories I have from the Army is graduating signals course as an infantry soldier.

Days later, our commanding officer visited.

Imagine a 6'5" man mountain. Bald, bushy moustache, black thick-rimmed glasses like the ones Harry Potter wears. Well-read. The kind of leader who, when he speaks, people listen.

He had one clear message for us:

"Your job is to fight for comms."

In difficult terrain, when the network is full of battlefield traffic, establishing communications is one thing.

It’s quite another to send, receive, interpret and relay mission-critical messages in complex environments.

I've never forgotten that.

Years later, it's been this mantra that has helped me hire great people, negotiate game-changing partnerships, coaching CEOs and make the relationships I cherish with my wife and daughters stronger with each day.

The daily renewable contract

Here's how I think about that mantra:

Communication is a daily renewable contract.

How you communicate today is casting a vote for the person you want to become in the future. And each day, that effort resets.

That's important because I think, for the relationships that matter most, both new ones and old ones, I owe them that vigilance and effort.

Not as a burden. But as a practice.

Because the alternative, assuming communication is working, that we're "on the same page," that yesterday's understanding still holds, leads to slow erosion in the relationship.

And by the time you notice, you're already misaligned.

What fighting for comms looks like

Fighting for communications isn't about constant intensity.

It's not about being "on" all the time.

It's about being attentive when it matters.

Here's what that means in practice:

1. Clear listening

Not waiting for your turn to speak.

Not formulating your response while someone else is talking.

Not looking at a screen and thinking you can listen at the same time.

Listening with the intent to understand, not to reply.

Being genuinely worried about missing an important perspective.

2. Asking questions that drive clarity

"What do you mean by that?"

"Help me understand what's most important here."

"What am I missing?"

Questions that expose assumptions before they become misalignment.

3. Sitting in the mud

Sometimes the act of communication is just listening. Or listening and reflecting back what you heard so that person feels seen.

More often than not, there's no need to fix something.

The only need that matters is being present with someone in what they're experiencing.

That's communication too.

4. Building understanding that makes people feel seen.

When you fight for comms, you're building a picture of that person (their context, their pressures, their reality) that lets you meet them where they are.

That feeling of being seen is what drives trust.

And trust opens the door to opportunities you won't ever see coming.

The moving parts you don't see

Here's why yesterday's communication isn't good enough for today:

Life happens between interactions.

A stress at home might have unexpectedly flared. A child gets sick. A special needs child needs more attention than usual, creating more stress and less rest for your colleague or partner.

A distribution partnership that seemed fine might have been eroding slowly, and then all at once. Now your partner is carrying stress you don't know about.

Your colleague might be coming to terms with the symptoms of menopause. And while she's trying to make sense of this, her frustrations and fatigue spill over. And you need to understand her context again, not assume you already do.

The context shifts constantly.

What was true last week isn't necessarily true today.

What mattered most to someone last month might not be what matters most now.

And if you're communicating based on outdated assumptions, you're not actually communicating.

You're performing a script that’s no longer relevant.

How to fight for comms: A simple practice

This isn't complicated. But it does require intentionality.

Here are three steps that help me fight for communications daily:

1. Declare your plan

At the start of each week, make a conscious declaration

"This week, I will fight for comms with [specific people]."

My wife. My daughters. My team. A key partnership.

Not everyone, all the time. But the people and moments that matter most.

This simple declaration shifts it from automatic to intentional.

You're not hoping it happens. You're committing to make it happen.

2. Create cue triggers for when to be all in

You need signals that tell you: This moment matters. Fight for comms NOW.

Here are the cues I watch for:

• When someone says "I'm fine" but their body language says otherwise
• When someone who's usually vocal has gone quiet in meetings
• When there's a decision looming and I realise I'm not sure where they stand
• When stress is high (mine or theirs)
• Before and after significant events (reviews, launches, tough conversations)

These are the moments where outdated assumptions break down fastest. Where context has shifted and you need to understand again.

3. Reflect back what you've heard and ask what else they need

Once you've listened, close the loop.

"Here's what I heard... [reflect back their words, not your interpretation]."

Then ask: "What else do you need from me right now?"

Sometimes the answer is more conversation.

Sometimes it's action.

Sometimes it's: "You've heard me. That's enough."

All of those are valid. The point is you've created space for them to be seen.

It's also important to recognise that fighting for comms should be an intentional pursuit that drives fulfilment for you, not validation from others.

Sometimes this effort won't be acknowledged immediately. Someone might not thank you for asking the clarifying question. They might not tell you that being heard mattered.

But you can rest assured that by committing to this practice, it will set you apart.

Not because people notice the effort. But because the relationships you build become something different. Something stronger.

And that's worth fighting for.

The cost of not fighting for it

Here's what I see when leaders stop fighting for communications: Misalignment through outdated assumptions.

At work and in personal relationships, there's an incorrect assumption that when you find a partner you like or a workplace "fit," the hard work is done.

But that's just the start of the work.

Fit doesn't maintain itself.

Trust degrades without effort.

I've watched partnerships fall apart because both sides stopped checking in. They assumed alignment. They stopped fighting for comms. And by the time they realised they weren't on the same page, the gap was too wide to close.

I've seen marriages struggle for the same reason. Teams drift. Leaders become isolated.

Not because of conflict. But because of assumption.

What changes when you fight for it

When you fight for communications each day you see a shift in how you show up.

Instead of hoping people are "on the same page," they are.

You're not guessing. You're not assuming. You know where they are because you've done the work to understand.

That understanding means people can advocate for you when you're not in the room.

They know what you care about. They know how you think. They can represent you accurately because you've built that shared understanding.

It means you know that someone has your back in a real and tangible way. Because you've invested in knowing them and they've invested in knowing you.

It also drives the important feeling of belonging.

When people feel seen and understood, they don't just show up. They contribute at a different level.

And it means that when change happens (when you don't have the language to express how you're feeling or what to think in that moment) they'll extend you grace.

They'll buy you the time you need to think and make a decision.

In other words, they'll give you that look that says "I got you."

And that cannot be underestimated in high-stress moments.

Why this matters for leaders

If you're leading a team, building a business, or trying to create something meaningful, you know communication isn't a soft skill.

It's the infrastructure that everything else runs on.

Hiring? You're trying to understand someone well enough to know if they'll thrive in your context. That requires fighting for comms.

Partnerships? You're trying to build shared understanding across organizations with different incentives and constraints. That requires daily effort.

Leadership? Your team needs to know you see them. That you understand their reality. That you're not operating on assumptions from three months ago.

And at home? With your partner, your kids, the people who matter most?

The same thing applies.

The context shifts. Stress changes. What mattered yesterday might not be what matters today.

And if you're not fighting for comms, if you're assuming yesterday's understanding is still accurate, you're slowly drifting apart.

The bottom line

Communication isn't something you "have." It's not a skill you acquire once and then coast on.

It's something you fight for. Daily.

Because the relationships that matter most deserve that vigilance and effort.

So here's my question for you: Where have you stopped fighting for comms?

Where are you operating on outdated assumptions?

Where have you told yourself "we're aligned" without actually checking?

And what would change if you fought for it again, not as a one-time conversation, but as a daily renewable contract?

Reply and let me know. I read every email.

Excited to hear from you.

THE PARTNERSHIP PLAYBOOK PODCAST

Here are this week’s podcast episodes for your commute and workout.

Here are this week’s podcast episodes for your walk, commute or workout.

PARTNERSHIPS MOMENT

EP 143 - 12 min: How GTM leaders can reverse slowing growth. This episode breaks down the four symptoms slowing your revenue momentum and gives you simple, practical ways to regain clarity, control, and confidence. Listen on Apple Podcasts | Spotify​

LEADERSHIP MOMENT

EP 151 - 12 min: Paradox leadership: How CEOs make better decisions in uncertain times. What do you do as a CEO when two opposite decisions are both right and choosing only one puts your business at risk? In this episode I break down how to build the paradox leadership muscle: the capacity to think clearly, decide confidently, and coach teams effectively when contradictions are real and unavoidable. Listen on Apple Podcasts | Spotify​

CEO INTERVIEW

EP 150 - 48 min: David Johnson. Many leaders confuse volume for value and "partner" for "vendor." But as David Johnson, CEO of Vervent, explains how real partnership is a strategic lever for growth and resilience, not just a nice-to-have, especially in high consequence markets. Listen on Apple Podcasts | Spotify​

See you next Wednesday,

Phil Hayes-St Clair
Executive Coach

​Find me on LinkedIn​

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